The Call

Several years ago, on a Friday night in February, I had just walked into the house and the phone rang. Caller ID revealed that my mom was on the other end, so I answered with a cheerful "Hello!" I was not met with a cheerful reply, instead I was met with panic. "Your dad had a heart attack the EMTs are here working on him I'm following the ambulance to the hospital" all in one breath. All I said was "I'll meet you there." I told my husband just fragments of what was happening and was out the door in a rush. When I got into my car and started driving, I felt like a balloon that was deflating in slow motion. The 26 mile drive to the town they live in took me less than 15 minutes and I got there just in time to watch them load my dad into the LifeFlight helicopter. That was a scary, horrible time for my entire family...a time that I think back to far more often than I care to. Dad was lucky though, he was one of the few that make it through a situation such as his.

Following that situation, everytime the phone rings & I see Mom's number on the caller ID, my first thought goes back to that moment. My heart drops and I have a split second of panic as I pick up the receiver. I am not joking....this happens every single time!

Fast forward to Saturday night.....it was my son's 6th birthday and Mom & Dad were planning on coming up to our house after work. I had already talked to Mom three or four times within an hour about the birthday party, so when my phone rang and I saw it was her, I figured there was another "plan" we hadn't discussed yet....no fleeting thoughts of trouble with my dad had entered my mind. I answered with a cheerful "hello" only to be met with "Dad is at the ER they are taking him to Omaha!" (Omaha is a city 90 minutes from their town....the same city that LifeFlight had taken him to several years earlier). Apparently, he had an appointment with his cardiologist and things weren't going so well for him. He had high blood pressure and chest pressure so they wanted him at the Cardiac Center to be able to monitor him through the weekend with another heart catheterization in the immediate future.

Boy how life can change in a hurry! One second I'm thinking about party decorations and getting presents wrapped, and the next minute I am brought to my knees with news of imminent danger. Isn't it absolutely amazing how we can go from happy-go-lucky to frozen stiff with fear in about 1.4 seconds? How one short phone call can drastically change your life in a single instant. Ever since the 2nd heart episode with my dad, I think about that daily....how I could be going along without a care in the world and could receive "the call" that could change everything.

The good news of the story is that my dad did have his heart cath and things are as good as can be expected. Of course, I will still cringe when I see their phone number on caller ID and will think the worst for a few seconds - that reaction will never change for me. Also, the good news is that with Dad's latest little incident, I was once again brought back to my realtionship with God...something that had been a little absent in my life here as of late. The seriousness of dad's condition brought me right where I needed to be, on my knees in front of my heavenly father...a place that I just haven't visited too much lately.

I look back on all of the happenings now..and even look at what I titled this blog entry and think to myself that although the original call was to me by my mom, it goes deeper. Yes, I did receive a telephone call from her regarding the health of my dad, but I believe that all of that was used as a vehicle from God to bring me to answer his call....the call that I've been ignoring over the past several months because life was just getting in the way.

As is said in Revelations 3:20 "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him..."

Pity Party....Table for One Please!

Ugh! That's the only way to sum up my mood for the past 12 - 14 days...just plain ol' ugh!
I'm in one of those nothing-is-going-my-way-everyone-is-out-to-get-me-I-just-want-to-sit-down-and-cry kind of moods! Ever been there? If not, steer far far away from anything that may lead you there. If you have been, then pull up a chair and feel my sorry-for-myself-pain!

Have you ever been in one of those moods where you just want to hole up in your house and do nothing....not even housework or watching tv...just nothing?! I'm there! I think I could just lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling fan going around and be content at this moment! I'd rather throw in a frozen pizza for every meal rather than stand at the stove and decide what to feed my family.....making a decision just seems painful right now. Just doesn't sound good, does it?

It's not fun being this way - my family tiptoes around me and doesn't know what to say - one thing wrong out of their mouth can lead to many things wrong out of mine! My husband tells me to get over it and my kids wonder what is wrong with Mom. I wish I knew what it was I needed to get over and what really is wrong with Mom!

I'm feeling pulled in multiple directions both physically and mentally these days and for some reason, I am just not handling it with much grace! I'm pretty used to juggling lots of stuff and not getting too "down" by it, but this time is like its my first time juggling and I'm dropping all of the balls! I don't like feeling like I can't do something and right now I really feel that way! Perhaps it is because we are at the start of the school year and I just haven't found "my groove" yet...I'm a creature of schedule and my schedule needs some twisting and tweaking to make it a bit smoother! Perhaps it is because I am in the midst of an interview process for my "dream job" and am not feeling like I've got my best game on when I've sat in the last two interviews for this position. Perhaps I've just got so much going on right now that I'm actually going to have to allow someone else in to help me out....I've got to face the fact that I can't do it all by myself all of the time.

Now that I sit here and consider things, I guess I really have been trying to do things by myself - in more ways than one. When things started getting hectic for me around here, I started to shut people out....I started with my husband, telling him "I can get this stuff done myself" and have ended up even shutting God out....it just became too easy to hang out at home on Sunday mornings instead of getting everyone up and ready to head to church. My Bible has sat on the shelf and probably has a thin coat of dust on the cover due to lack of use over the past month and a half.....not good. I've watched that ceiling fan above my bed make hundreds of rotations, all the while wondering "Why me", but never have I taken my troubles any farther...never have I bowed my head and asked God for help. I've just been going at this all wrong....why should I try to handle things on my own when I have someone there who is ready to bear my burdens for me? So, yes, I do need to face the fact that I can't do this all by myself....I can't do anything all by myself, but with the strength of Christ within me, I can do anything.

Well, I think I'm ready to vacate the party...the pity party, that is! Check please! I've got a ceiling fan to go lay under and a Father that I need to talk to!

Foto Friday - The First Day of School - 2009

This year's first day of school photos.....Erin (12) - 7th grade; Jason (11) - 6th grade; Evan (5) - Kindergarten; Natalie (3) - Preschool

Life's Little Instructions

We got a new camera.....two years ago. The reason that I spent the money on this particular model was because it came with all the bells and whistles. You can just put the thing on auto and it will take great pictures, or you can manually set the aperature or shutter speed. You can change the meter, you can do continuous shooting, you can even turn it into a video camera. I knew this was just what our family needed....it can do it all!



Well, like I said, I got that camera two years ago and have taken thousands of great shots....all on the auto setting. Never once did I venture away from the security of the "auto" setting to see what all this camera could do. Matter of fact, I totally forgot that I could do all of those fancy things - I was just so satisfied with the status quo.



Three days ago, I was cleaning out our hall closet and came across the box for this camera and inside it was a book entitled "Camera User Guide" still wrapped in plastic. Looking for any excuse to get out of closet clean-up, I pulled up a chair and started reading. Once again, I was reminded of all the fun things that I could be doing but wasn't with that camera. I read the book, then re-read the book, then grabbed my camera and headed outside. It took a little bit of tweaking and practice, but before long I was understanding tidbits about shutter speed and aperature. I was figuring out how to take panoramic pictures and how to take photos in black and white and sepia tone. I had so much fun walking around the farm, shooting pictures, and being amazed at all the capabilities that I had, literally in the palm of my hand.



As I was sitting there changing the setting to "continuous shooting", I was thinking to myself about how ridiculous I was, settling to just use the "auto" feature when I could have been doing so much more. That's when the thought came to me....isn't that just like so many of us in our daily walk? Isn't there a little bit in everyone that just "accepts" what they've been dealt, never reaches out for anything more than what is already there? Doesn't try to see beyond the mountain to what is on the other side? I've been there...alot.



Just like I found out with this camera, if you find the User Guide and study it, great things can happen. For me, that "User Guide" is the Bible. Too many times I tend to put my life on auto pilot and just "let the chips fall where they may". I don't take the time to read and re-read and then head outside and practice. I don't take the time to dive into the Scriptures, think about the lesson to be learned and then apply it to my life. I'm too busy trying to move the mountains on my own that I forget how much more beautiful and fulfilling life can be if I just sit back and invite my Savior in.



My wish for each of you is to find your instruction manual...don't just be satisfied with the mediocrity of going through life on "auto". Invite something bigger than yourself in to show you all that your life is capable of. I can guarantee you, you will not be disappointed.

Foto Friday

In honor of Back to School I thought I'd post pics of the ceremonial passing out of the school supplies.

Photo #1: All of the supplies lined up and ready for the pickin'

Photo #2: Three of the four children listening patiently as the school supply lists are read.

Photo #3: Quite obvious that this will be Natalie's first year in school as she zips and unzips her new backpack, filling it with preschool supplies.

Photo #3 and #4: This is the response I got when we were done and I told them they needed to put the backpacks away until school starts next week.....one was bawling under the table and the other ran crying to her bedroom holding her backpack hostage. Guess Mom isn't the only one looking forward to the first day of school!

This Old House

We live on the family farm. When I say family farm, I mean my husband grew up here, my father-in-law grew up here (he was actually born in the room that is the master bedroom now), my husband's grandparents lived here.....I'm not actually sure how many generations this goes back, but it seems to me that this is a rarity in this day and age.

In 2010 this will be a "Century Farm" which means that it will have been farmed for 100 years by the Burk family. There's an official presentation at the State Fair where the Burks will be presented with a plaque signifying the accomplishment. For years my husband has been scouting out the perfect place to display this outdoor plaque. I've played along in his search, but never really gave it much more thought than that....until now. The closer we get to this milestone, the more I see it as just that - a milestone. An accomplishment that is getting harder and harder to reach these days. All of us in rural America need to face the fact that a family farm is going to be harder and harder to find in the future. What once was a business of living off the land and putting your trust in God for your crop has turned corporate....big business. It's beginning to push many of those farms from meager beginnings to the wayside and that is a sad thing to see. I agree, progress is important in any industry, whether it be education, agriculture, medicine or retail. You have to change with the times and roll with the punches to guarantee yourself any kind of success. But with those changes in times, comes hurt for the little guy. Passing down the family business will get harder and harder for people, not only because there won't be enough acres to farm in order to make it in this world, but I also think that family values are getting lost in the shuffle of "being somebody".

All of this thought about family farms brings me back to our house. When I first moved in, I was less than excited. It is your typical old home....lots of square footage, but broken up into many small spaces that leave interior decorating to be a challenge, the corners are not square and the floors tend to slope. There's a lot of work to be done upstairs....walls need to be torn down and insulation and drywall need to be put up. We've dealt with leaks in dang near every room from one time or another and have had a couple of "floods" in the basement when the weather was just right. When I first moved in, I complained....a lot - so much that it's kind of embarassing to think about now. My husband has been a peach through the whole thing....I believe once I was even told that I'm welcome to move into the machine shed if I was looking to live in something "newer".

One day (probably after one of my "if only this house would just burn down" discussions) it hit me. If we were to build a new home, it would be a tragedy to lose all of the things in this house that could never be replaced....the memories. Of course, there are the memories of the last seven years of our marriage, but with a Century Farm the memories go back way farther than I'll even know. My husband's parents have both passed on and I'm sure there are many memories of them here in this house that he will never want to lose. I would think that he walks into our kitchen sometimes and can visualize his mom standing at the stove cooking or at the sink washing dishes. I'm sure he walks into our living room and sees his dad napping in the recliner after a long day in the field. There has to be a memory or two of family dinners, birthday parties, Christmases....and not just for him, but for his brothers and sister and their families too. How can I dare to take those images and memories away from any of them? I couldn't and I won't. We will stay in our crooked house for as long as we need to and will continue to build many more memories to add to the collection. Maybe someday one of our boys will decide that they want to enter into this game called farming and will settle in to this place with their own family. I won't blame their new wife for wanting something newer, a little more level, a little more updated....I'll probably agree with her on each of those accounts. But I do hope that she will come to a realization that the important part of this house is the history that it holds, the memories that live amongst these walls.

Lessons from a Five Year Old

I work for the school district. This means that I spend nine months of the year making mental notes of all the things I want to do during my three months off....household projects, crafty things to do with the kids, fantabulous vacations to go on. "The List" runs the whole gamut of things I want to do on my summer vacation.

So here we are, eight days before I'm required to return to work and I go over "The List" in my head. What have I accomplished? Nada.....not a darn thing! I have been asked numerous times throughout the summer, "How has your summer been?" to which my reply is always "Too fast". June was devoted to Erin's softball, July was swimming lessons and getting 4-H projects ready for fair, and now here we are in August getting ready for back to school. Not a single solitary vacation was taken, and for that I feel like I'm in the lead for "Worst Mom of the Year"! What parent does not whisk their young ones away to explore the world during summer vacation?! Two years ago we jetted off to California to see Disneyland, last year we made the standard Midwestern family pilgrimage to the Black Hills, and this year.....we made it 3 miles down the road to a new fishing hole. Whoo. Hooo. Yep, like I said "Worst Mom of the Year" right here.

I've been sitting here, for the past 2 months and 3 weeks wallowing in my self-pity of not getting the things done that I had planned on, when someone asked me once again how my summer was going...to which I gave the standard answer "Too fast." This person then turned to my 5-year old, Evan, and asked him how his summer was going. His answer: "It. Has. Been. Sooooo. Awesome." Excuse me? Who stole this child and whisked him off to places of Awesome-ness? This child has been right beside me all summer experiencing the same doldrums as me and he says it's awesome?!

Later that night I asked him exactly what about this summer has been so awesome, to which he rattled off a rather long list: we went to softball games and ate candy, we went fishing and caught so many huge fish, we petted our horses, we went to the zoo and saw those great big animals, we went to the Rodeo, we went to Grandpa and Grandma's house, we slept in a tent, we did sparklers and saw fireworks, we rode bikes, we went golfing, we went to the fair.... His list went on and on and I was amazed. All of those things that I saw as hectic and bothersome and downright boring were things that he treasured the most about his summer vacation. Evan: 1 point Mom: 0 points

This summer, I may not have traveled to far and away exotic places. I didn't get the living room floors sanded down and refinished, didn't get a couple rooms painted, but I've picked up a lesson or two about life. I've decided that from now on I need to look at things through the eyes of a five year old and be excited for everything that each day holds...look for the wonder and amazement in the little things, and be thankful for those little blessings. I need to live in the moment and not wonder what the next day is going to bring.

If you see me on the street between now and the day school starts up, go ahead and ask me how my summer has been. My reply will be, "It was so awesome! We spent time together as a family. We went to Erin's softball games, we found a great little farm pond and did a lot of fishing, we took the kids to the zoo, we spent time with my parents, the kids got to camp out in the backyard and we had a bonfire and made s'mores with them, Chad & the kids went golfing a few times, Evan learned to swim and ride his bike, Jason showed his horse at the fair and did a great job and Erin showed her goats and did well too. But most of all, my summer has taught me that happiness is all around me and that I don't need to go too far away to find it." Be prepared to sit and listen for awhile, because my summer was jam-packed full of great things. In the words of one very wise five year old; It. Has. Been. Soooo. Awesome!

I Sure Do Love Him

He is a very conscientious, detail-oriented, goal-driven, get-things-done-now kind of person. He's a worker, a talker, a never-sit-down guy. This drives me nuts....irriatates me....infuriates me....sometimes it even makes me want to scream!












I am conscientious and goal-driven....to a point! I can be detail-oriented and a get things done now kind of person...when the occasion strikes me as being such! I'm sort of a worker (depending on the job to be done), but I will never classify myself as a talker and will never be called a never-sit-down gal....nope, that's just not me! I'm sure that these things about me drive him nuts....irritate him...infuriate him....and sometimes, I know for sure, makes him want to scream!








Who would've thought that 8 year ago, a blind date would turn into a marriage, four kids, and a whole lot of adventures - especially when we are so completely opposite from each other! Who would've thought that we could mold our individual personalities into the personality of husband and wife and ride the waves of many storms to arrive today at our 7th anniversary.


I still remember when a mutual friend tried to move heaven and earth to set us up on a date.....the only reason she had to try SO hard is because she started with the wrong person - she started with me. Keeping in mind that I have already described myself as NOT a talker, our "match-maker" slipped me a note (which I still have tucked in my jewelry box to this day) describing the man she believed to be my soul-mate, along with his phone number. "Call him" she kept telling me. Yeah, don't think so, but thanks for trying.


For three weeks I kept trying my best to change the subject when she would bring up his name and ask if I'd called him yet....been really busy, not really looking for a relationship, can't seem to find that phone number. Finally, she gave up on me....she called him one night and told him he needs to call me. Shortly afterwards, my phone rang...about 10:30 one night....and it was Chad. (Remember, I did label him early as a get things done now kind of guy) We talked that night for FOUR HOURS...did I mention he was a talker? The next night we talked again for several hours and then again the next night. Craziness...I had never seen this guy, but knew more about him than other guys that I had dated in the past. Finally after about 12 hours of conversation, we decided maybe we should see what each other looks like. Let me tell ya.....I was shakin' in my boots. I was enjoying the conversation, but what if that was the only thing I enjoyed? I'm thinkin' that Chad was feeling the same way about me because he suggested that maybe we should "meet first" before we go on an official date....just to make sure we even want to go on a date! (Does that even make a bit of sense?)


Well, the time came for us to "meet"...which to me still seemed like a "date" except he came to my house and I cooked dinner for him instead of going to a restaurant and him footing the bill (hint my sarcastic tone here). Obviously, we must've seen something in each other, because from that little meet-up 'til now, we've rarely been apart.


That was January 2001....fast forward to August 10, 2002, and here we are getting married. It was quite a process to get there....a process that in many ways felt like a year long test. Chad was a farmboy all his life and I was a towngirl. He kept insisting to me that life is different on the farm....and I don't think he thought I could mesh into the life very well. He had told himself that he would never get married to anyone until he has dated them for at least a year.....because he wanted to see how his potential bride would deal with a relationship that covered all 4 farm seasons....planting (when he's around some of the time), spraying (when he's around a bit more than before), harvest (when he's never around) and winter (when he's always around). Good theory to him but absolutely insane to me.....until we reached harvest time and just about gave up. At that point I could kind of see exactly why he had devised his year-long plan....if farm-life isn't something you're used to, harvest time is going to put a cramp in your style! No more going out and talking on the phone before bed....if I wanted to see him, I needed to be prepared to spending time in a combine and eating sandwiches in the field. Also, his attention was no more directed toward me, but to his crop and his equipment....THAT was really hard to handle! But, like I said, fast-forward to August 2002....I made it - I passed the test! We got married at his church during a candlelight service. The church was packed and the reception hall was filled.


Now, here we are celebrating seven sometimes difficult, sometimes wild years together. We've been through many ups-births of children, job changes, awesome vacations-and many downs- the deaths of both of Chad's parents, the arguments, financial struggles-but through it all, we've done it together....and there's no one else in the world I would rather have been with through it all.


Chad is my best friend. He's the first person I want to talk to when something great happens and the first person I want to run to when I'm so frustrated I want to cry. There is no one else on God's great Earth that I would want to remain with for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. He is and forever will be a big part of me.

We've shared many ups and downs and twists and turns along the way, but all of that has shaped us into the family that we are. There will be more laughter and tears and challenges to
face, but with you by my side, I'm ready for the ride! My only regret is that you didn't come into my life sooner so that we would have more time together on this side of heaven!

He is a very conscientious, detail-oriented, goal-driven, get-things-done kind of person. He's a worker, a talker, a never-sit-down guy. This drives me nuts....irritates me....infuriates me....sometimes even makes me want to scream....and DEFINITELY makes me love him more and more everyday.

I love you, honey, and there is no where else I'd rather be than in our little corner of the world, spending my life with you and our kids.

Face Painting at the Fair....of course Natalie went for what was titled "Princess Mask", but what happened to Evan?! All kinds of cute little boy designs....SpiderMan mask, BatMan mask, a frog on your cheek - but nope, Evan went straight for the tire tread spread across his face! Who's child is this?!

The Same....But Different

So here I am with a couple months to go before my birthday hits.....got the big 3-7 staring me in the face. I can't exactly believe I'm going to be THAT old, especially when there are days I feel like I'm still in high school! It does not seem possible that it was 18 years ago that I graduated from high school....it seems like yesterday that I was walking those halls of good old DHS!

All of this thinking back to yester-year has made me stop and realize that yes, I am 36 years old and will be turning a year older in a matter of months , and that although I may FEEL like I was just in high school, the true reality is that it really has been 18 years! Times have changed, my friend, and I can attest to that. With this thought pattern, I give you my version of "The Same...But Different"....how things in my life may in some ways be the same, but how they really are quite different!

1. I still drive too fast.....only now I'm racing my kids to their activities, not my own!

2. I still color my hair....only now I'm working to cover the grays, not trying a new color for shock value!

3. I still listen to music too loud....only now I do it to embarass my children, not annoy my parents!

4. I still love to dance....only now my audience is my 3 year old and 5 year old, not at a dance recital with an audience of hundreds!

5. I am still a cheerleader....only now I'm in the stands cheering on my kids, not in front of the crowd cheering on a team!

6. I still love to go to parties....only now they're usually princess or race car-themed, not in the middle of a cornfield after dark!

7. I still have homework....only now it is more commonly referred to as housework and I'm not near as good at getting it done!

8. I still look forward to weekends....only now I look at 'em as time to get things done around the house, not as time to stay away from the house doing all kinds of things!

9. I still love driving my car....only now I drive a dark blue Pontiac Minivan, not a bright red Chevy Cavalier!

10. I still get an "allowance"....only now it's called a paycheck and I have to work for it, not get it "just because I need money"!


So, in looking at the list I've compiled, I understand why, in some ways, I still feel like a kid.....but when I look deeper, I see that yes, it is true, although things may be the same, they are also very different!

Monday Morsels

SIRLOIN TIPS OVER RICE

2 Tbsp. butter
2 lbs. round or sirloin steak, cubed to 1" square
1 tbsp. soy sauce
1/4 tsp. garlic powder
1/4 tsp. onion salt
1 can beef consomme
1/2 cup water
1 tbsp. cornstarch

Brown the cubed steak in melted butter or shortening until no longer pink. Add teh soy sauce, garlic powder, onion salt & consomme. Cover and simmer for 10 minutes. blend the water and cornstarch, then add to the cooking meat and liquid. Stir until thickened. Serve over rice....I use Minute Rice. (Serves 4-6)

I like to add fresh mushrooms and water chestnuts to this recipe - you can also add cooked broccoli, carrot slices, or peppers if you prefer.

This is a quick and easy meal with tons of flavor! It has quickly become one of our family favorites!

Foto Friday

Happy Friday! From now on at Where the Blacktop Ends, Fridays will be known as Foto Friday. I may simply post a photo that has significant meaning to me, go back into the archives and find a pic from years gone by or maybe make a collage like the ones below to cover a wide range of recent activities...who knows! Enjoy the ones I've got today!

Foto Friday!

How can you get any more country than a good ol' county fair! I mean, really, horse shows, goat shows, 4-H and even some Hog Mud Wrestling. As a hectic as fair-time can get for a mom of 2 4-H'ers with livestock and other activities, it really does make ya proud to see your kids out there in the ring with the judges! Enjoy the pics!

Monday Morsels

One of the skills that I've acquired while living on the farm is the art of "comfort food" cooking. Nothing fancy, nothing you can't pronounce, just good old-fashioned make-ya-feel-good food! From now on at Where the Blacktop Ends, Mondays will be the day that I reveal one of my family's favorite meals....hence the title Monday Morsels! If it sounds good, give it a try & let me know what ya think. If you have a different rendition of the same meal, let me know - I'm always up for suggestions! Enjoy!

CREAMED CHICKEN OVER BISCUITS - the ultimate comfort food!!

Creamed Chicken:
4 chicken breasts, cooked & diced
1 cup onion, chopped
1 tsp. garlic powder
6 tbsp. butter
6 tbsp. flour
3 tsp chicken bouillon granules
dash salt and pepper
5 cups milk

Saute onion and garlic poser in melted butter in a saucepan, then stir in flour, blouillon granules, salt and pepper. Quickly add milk; cook and stir over medium heat until thick and bubbly. Stir in chicken and heat thoroughly. Serve over hot buttered biscuits. (Serves 8)

Biscuits:
2 cups flour
1 tbsp. sugar
4 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 cup butter
1 egg, beaten
2/3 cup milk

Mix dry ingredients together, then cut in butter until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Combine egg and milk, then add to flour mixture and stir. Turn out onto a lightly floured surface and knead gently about 20 times. Roll out to 3/4 inch thickness and cut biscuits with a 2-inch biscuit cutter. Place on an ungreased baking sheet and bake at 450 degrees for about 10 minutes.

Like I said, my family loves this recipe...it is especially good on one of those cold winter nights when the fluffy white snowflakes are starting to fall!

I found this recipe in my favorite cookbook Supper's on the Table, Come Home by Rachel Masters. EVERY recipe in this book is awesome! Check it out at
www. schallertel.net/~rmasters

Beware....Name Change Ahead!

For any of you that have ever dared to read my blog (thank you by the way), I've decided to change the name and the focus of my writings. I was thinking today that "Tales of a Stressed Out Mom" just sounds too......desperate! Truth be told, my job as Mom at this house isn't ALWAYS stressful so I don't want to be accused of false advertising here! I've decided to change the title to "Where the Blacktop Ends", which is a romantic way of describing my life in the country....out here on a gravel road....miles from town.....in the middle of nowhere....are you feeling my pain yet?

I'm hoping to create somewhat of a schedule to this blog thing, but haven't ironed out all of the details yet. I know that along with stories of my children, I will have to share how I am turning myself from town girl to farm girl....now, please do not think that this transformation has been easy, graceful or peaceful - I've taken every turn in the road with some kicking and screaming, but I'm learning....sl-o-o-o-o-w-ly! This blog will be dedicated to those skills I'm sort of acquiring, how I feel about life on the farm, and anything humorous that happens to knock on the door!

I thank you for reading and hope you enjoy!!!

Natalie Jean - The Final Addition to the Burk Household

Here she is - child #4, the end of the Burk baby saga - Natalie Jean! Becoming pregnant with Natalie was a true lesson in being careful what you wish for. I felt the need to add a 4th child to our family by adopting one from the Ukraine (didn't really want to go thru another pregnancy) and within a month of feeling that call I found out I was pregnant! I can not even put into the words what I felt when I found out there was a little one on the way...happiness, shock, anxiety - so many thoughts rolled up into one! I remember one particular doctor's appointment when he asked if I had any questions...."Yes, I do. What am I supposed to do with four children?" (Sounds like a reasonable question, doesn't it?) Being a 37 year old doc with 5 kids of his own at home, he gave me a piece of advice that made the angels in my own little personal heaven sing....."Don't worry about it, any amount of kids over 3 is chaos anyway. You're gonna be yelling alot anyway, so you just have one more name to remember while you're yelling - no big deal." Ok, so therapist he is not, but my god did I feel a whole lot better when he told me that!

The pregnancy and delivery with Natalie was the absolute easiest thing I have ever gone through in my life...gained 11 pounds total and at delivery it was just one push, ladies, and it was done! I truly don't think I even had a "terrible" contraction! (Please don't hate me!) In many ways, though, that was the end of anything being easy with Natalie!

During her first year, Natalie gave us a few scares....at 8 days old we found out that she would not tolerate milk or soy-based formulas so we had to put her on a prescription-based formula that was from then on referred to at our house as "liquid gold" due to the cost...and she remained on that until her 1st birthday. At 3 months she had a scary bought with RSV that put us in the hospital for 5 days, and from then on caught every respiratory illness known to man. We had the doctors cell number on our speed dial, inaugerated the new children's ER at our hospital, and I'm quite certain that we are the reason our doctor got to put a new addition onto his house! For what we paid in medical bills during Natalie's first year, we could've purchased a small country!


Enough about our sickly first days, though, fast forward to the present and let me paint you a picture of this little lady now. Getting ready to turn 4 in a couple of months, Natalie has been the easiest and the hardest child to raise! She is sugar and spice and everything nice...when things are going her way! Somewhere along the lines, someone must have called her a princess and she took that title to heart. Many times she thinks that the world is her oyster and we are her loyal subjects. She is bossy and crabby and moody and it is just so hard not to love her when she looks at you with those big blue eyes and says "You listen to me!" But as snotty as she can be (and boy, can she be) she also has a loveable side too. She still loves to be "rocked" and will grab her blankie and curl up on my lap in the rocking chair and lay perfectly still while I hum "Rock-A-Bye-Baby" to her. If I am sick, she is the one child that will sit quietly on the bed and be my nurse. She loves to help me cook and is the only child that will put her things away - a miracle in this house! She loves to dress up in pretty clothes and wear the color pink, but is a tomboy just as much as a girly-girl! If she isn't in the house coloring, she is outside running wild on the farm (usually minus an article of clothing such as a shirt). She loves all of our animals....and they all love her (except for the cat, Natalie just terrifies the cat). If she's outside on her own, the first place that she heads is to the barn. She lets the rabbits out and sits and plays with them, gets in with the goats and chases them around, and climbs into the corral and walks the horses, all the while with the dogs following her around as well - she's like the Pied Piper of the Animals! After getting over the initial heart attack of seeing her walking in front of, behind and even under the horses, it is amazing to just sit back and watch her with them. I could walk out to the pasture and those horses will turn their back to me every time; Natalie walks out there and she has 4 horses walking straight toward her. They put their heads down so she can pet them and they nuzzle up against her....she just has a way with them that I can not explain! They are like putty in her hands.

Natalie will begin her first year of Preschool this fall and will have some rude awakenings, I am sure...the first being that the world does not revolve solely around her! She will have to learn to share, will need to work on the attitude, and will have to get used to doing things on a schedule other than her own! But once the teachers get through those first few life lessons with her, they will discover what we see everyday....a beautiful little flower just waiting to bloom. It is bittersweet to be sending the last of the brood to school this year....a rite of passage for both her and for me. It seems that as she is experiencing a lifetime of firsts, I am experiencing a lifetime of lasts. If I think too much about it, it will make me sad, so I just keep pressing on and looking ahead to all that Natalie has to accomplish as she grows. In 14 years, she will be ready to fly away from this nest, but until then, I'm just going to enjoy every crabby, snotty, sweet, and giggly minute with my baby girl. It is way to early to tell what will come about in her life, but when she was born I had a feeling that she would change peoples lives....my feeling has been right so far, because being her mom has completely changed mine!

Evan Alan - 3rd in line

Almost six years ago when Evan was born (or just moments before he was), the nurse had to literally hold him in because the doctor was taking his sweet time getting to the hospital.....that is the ONLY time in Evan's life that he has allowed anyone to hold him back from anything! Evan has been going full-steam ahead with guns blazin' ever since and I don't see anything in the near future slowing him down!

Evan is a very determined little guy that finds his way into the heart of darn near everyone that he comes across. With his little shaved blonde head (he will NEVER have long hair due to two cowlicks at his crown that meet in the middle and one on each side of his forehead as well - thank God he wasn't a girl with that hairline) and his cute mis-pronounciations (he has troubles with C's and pronounces them as T's....i.e. cookies are tookies and a cat is a tat), he is one of the cutest and funniest kids I know (and yes, I'm totally biased)! He LOVES to talk....and talk....and talk, and HATES to sit still...... He is my little dancer and gymnast and has moves like you wouldn't believe! He has an imagination comparable to Disney and has enough theatrics that he should move to Hollywood! He loves to golf, play baseball, play football and play the Wii and he really likes to run around on the farm. He is insanely LOUD and wants things his way under his timing and can be the biggest handful of a child I have ever seen, insists on being the center of attention wherever we go, wants constant entertainment, and has the ability to be naughty on a daily basis....ya know, typical stuff for a guy his age. (If this does not strike you as typical, please do not fill me in - let me live in my little dream world with clouds with silver linings....'kay, thanks!)

Although Evan is about as active as any child could possibly be, he is actually quite insightful for someone about to turn 6. I love to talk to him and listen for those little expressions he has that change the way I look at the world in many ways. For example, one bright and beautiful day not that long ago, he and I were lying out in the yard looking at the clouds. As he gazed up into the blue sky he said just barely above a whisper, "It's a great day today...." Another time as we were sitting at the local pharmacy's old fashioned soda fountain enjoying an ice cream, he spun himself around on the stool with his cone of cookies n cream and said "I feel so alive today". I think back to that phrase often....I feel so alive today - if only everyone had that outlook, this world would be a different place!

The best thing about Evan from a mom's point of view is that he still loves to come in and snuggle up to me and be a mama's boy.....and believe me, I don't complain! I know that one day climbing up onto the couch with mom and holding her hand is going to be the last thing he wants to do, so I'm going to savor every moment! I'll savor all those soggy kisses (he LOVES to kiss...even "studies" kisses from tv shows and tries to replicate them - attention all moms of little girls - LOCK UP YOUR DAUGHTERS in about 10 or 12 more years!!), I'll keep living for all of those "I love you so much Mommy" professions of love that come out of the blue, and will enjoy every back rub and shoulder massage that he wants to give me.

Everyday, it seems that I see a little bit more of that "little boy" disappear, and can catch glimpses in my mind of the type of man he will become. Although I'm sad that my little boy is getting older and won't be this way forever, I get excited for what he lies ahead for him. It is far to early to tell what his future holds at this point, but I'm sure he's going to do something to take the world by storm. In talking to his Sunday School teacher (God bless this woman) a few months back, she told me that she can not wait to see what he becomes when he's older. She also said something to me that I will never forget and will cherish for many days ahead - she told me that she has a feeling that Evan is going to change the world someday and that she can't wait to see him do it. (Thank you for that, Kim - as a parent that comment took my breath away)

So, until he grows up and becomes his own man, I'm going to enjoy and appreciate my little guy everyday. I'm going to laugh at his jokes, smile at his crooked smile and be proud that I'm the mom of "the best Evan Burk that there is in this world" (one of his favorite nicknames from me).

Jason Michael - The Second Child

Let me introduce you to Child #2.....he came into this world as a bit of a surprise (11 months after his sister and I was half-way thru the pregnancy before I realized I wasn't losing that baby fat for a reason)! Jason was the perfect little guy - hardly made a peep, ate good, slept great - he slept so hard that I could vaccum under his crib while he was catching z's! At one point, I was convinced he was deaf so I slammed two pots together to see if he would wake up.....good news, he could hear (and boy could he cry when he was startled)!

Life with Jason has been a wild ride! By the time he was two, he was incredibly active....INCREDIBLY active! It took a lot to keep up with him, but boy was he the sweetest little thing! He was quite well known for his hugs and kisses! By the time he was three, I questioned whether his activity level was "normal"....his preschool teachers also questioned it! He had to touch EVERYTHING he saw, wouldn't sit still and would talk and talk and talk. By now I'm thinkin' he's definitely got to be ADD or ADHD....

Jason is a terribly smart kid....straight A's, scores in the 99th percentile on all standardized tests....the bad thing is that he is bored to tears in school, which equates to him becoming the class clown to keep things interesting. (Interesting for him, not so interesting for his teachers) Because of his willingness to keep the class laughing and his teachers on the verge of tears, we've been to too many "conferences" to mention, had too many arguments that have gone nowhere fast, and come up with "ideas" that never seem to work. The truth of the matter is that Jason is just Jason - he's a talker, a toucher, an exaggerator - but beyond all of that, he's Jason. He's no different now at age 11 than he was at age 3...still has that hyper energy that needs to be burned, still has that craving to be the center of attention, and still is the first one in line for a good night hug before bed.

Yes, he's medicated for the ADHD that I always knew he had, and it is painfully obvious if he forgets to take his meds....(have you ever heard someone talk 150 miles a minute about one topic and switch on a dime and start talking about something else just as fast without missing a beat?)...but deep down inside, no matter how much his disability drives me to the brink of no return, he's still that little boy with the hug that can melt a heart!

Jason is definitely ALL BOY. He loves living on the farm -and what ADHD kid wouldn't love a few acres to run free on? He has a dirtbike that he drives entirely too fast and is completely reckless on, he loves to ride our horses and "conquer" those that I refuse to get near out of fear, he enjoys playing football and golf and loves to learn new tidbits of information that he can quiz others on. He makes messes, he has legs full of bruises that mysteriously appear, he loves to drive his older sister crazy, and is the reason for 99% of my gray hair. But beyond all of this rough boy exterior, he's got a heart of gold. Jason will give anyone the shirt off his back, will spend all of his money on little gifts for his friends and family and will never intentionally hurt anyone. He has a very compassionate and empathetic heart - a rare find in kids these days, if you ask me.

The road to adulthood with Jason is going to be a winding and bumpy road. We'll probably need to take a few detours every now and then, and will probably get a little lost along the way, but I have confidence that this kid is gonna slide sideways across the finish line on two wheels, shouting, "WOW . . . What a ride!" And I guess my job as his mom is to buckle up, sit back, and enjoy the ride!

Introductions...

As I sit here and try to decide what crazy thing my kid has done now that I can share with everyone, I realized that I haven't even taken the chance to introduce my subject matter, my four causes for inspiration, my kids! My plan is to introduce one child a day for the next four days...starting from the oldest and working my way down. (Now keep in mind, this is my PLAN....it may take a couple of weeks to actually get this done, but I'm aiming high here!) So, without further ado, here is the start of the formal introductions.....(if there was a drumroll, I'd insert it now)

Child #1 - Erin Nicole

Nearly a teenager now, Erin is the one child of mine that could get voted in as Most Like Her Mother. We've been told we look alike, talk alike, act alike...no one can tell us apart on the phone which drives my husband crazy! The funny thing is that neither Erin nor I think we are anything like each other - not even a resemblance in our mind.

I'm not going to lie to you, when Erin was first born I was so excited to have my little dancer/cheerleader! I couldn't wait for her to play dress-up in all of my old dance costumes and was equally excited to watch her up on the dance recital stage that was my home for 13 years. It saddens me to admit that all of those dreams came to a halt in her preschool year of dance lessons....this girl has no beat! She's the one that you see in the crowd clapping to the off beat - a rhythm master she is not! This is also the little girl that we would send outside to sing "so the birdies would get a chance to enjoy her tune". I can laugh and poke fun at this now because she is in total agreement with it and laughs at herself and her awkward "feel for the music." The totally absurd ending to this is that Erin LOVES to play musical instruments, and low and behold with all of her lack of rhythm, she is pretty darn good at it! She started out 2 years ago playing the trumpet, but soon switched (hallelujah!!) to the clarinet. After really getting a grasp on the music of that instrument, she has also taken on the piano, saxophone and bass guitar. I think the reason that she is excelling at playing is because Erin has a remarkable work ethic....she LOVES to practice and will not be caught dead going to band lessons without knowing the music inside and out - quite a life lesson she is picking up there, and she learned that one all by herself!

Another of Erin's passions is athletics, which is a total shocker to me! I'm the one that can't catch or throw a ball (I was a cheerleader for God's sake) and she completely amazes me when she is on the field playing softball or on the court playing volleyball or basketball. She laughs at me when I talk to her about her games because she knows that I have no idea what I'm talking about....I don't know names of positions, plays...hell, I hardly know the rules for half of the sports! I admire the fact that she isn't afraid to get out there and give it her best during a game and I believe that is another life lesson that she is picking up all on her own - it's not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game.

The absolutely cool thing about Erin this summer has been that she has really seemed to grow up. Although I'm still her mom, in some ways I can see that I'm also becoming her friend. We can joke about things together and just enjoy a good laugh every now and then and I love that I don't always have to have my "mom" face on with her. Now, I know she's not "all growed up" yet and I still have to be MOM, but I'm really just savoring in the moment of seeing the person that she is becoming....someone who might look a bit like good ol' Mom, but truly is a person all her own. I can't wait to see what the future holds for her....I have no idea where it's going to take her, but I'm sure it will bring her great things!

Imagine my surprise.....

....when Evan came out of the bathroom with his temporary tattoo strategically placed on his FOREHEAD!!!! (and he was so dang proud that he did it all by himself!) Too bad it didn't have MOM written across the middle of it....I'm sure he'll save that when he gets a permanent one someday!

Who is Wilma if she doesn't have Fred?

My husband has been gone for 2 whole days....it's been 37 hours and 32 minutes since he was last home, but who's really keeping track, right?! It's been sort of a planned vacation of sorts...he planned to be gone and I planned to spend some good quality time with my lovely children. Together we were going to paint my bedroom, put up a new backsplash in the kitchen as well as a fresh coat of terra cotta paint on the walls....!

How is that going, you may ask.... There has been no quality time - unless you counted those precious minutes where I locked myself into my bedroom to get away from the chaos! Painting...yeah right! One wall of my bedroom has been completed ....a strip of wall in the kitchen has a tinge of terra cotta on it and after going through a tube of Liquid Nails, a container of silicone caulk and teaching new cuss words to anyone in a 5 mile radius, I've said to hell with the backsplash as well! Nope, the Burk Family Remodeling Business has closed its doors before it even started! There was no fun-filled trips for an ice cream or play-time at the park....just a lot of good, old-fashioned motherhood burn-out!

Why do I always have such good intentions but end up falling short of the mark all of the time? Have I bit off more than I can chew? Am I the quintessential idea gal with no ability to follow through? Possibly....maybe....or I propose that I'm just not the "fun" one! Sure, I'm the advice-giver, owie-fixer, dinner-creator, but when it comes to an all-out knock down, drag 'em out good time, it just ain't me! When the kids want fun, they look for Dad....and it's obvious that he's been absent for a bit. I used to be fun, at least I thought I was! Now I'm running behind kids telling them to quit jumping on the furniture, turn the tv down, pick up after themselves....oh my God, I've become my mother! Is it age? Responsibility? Is this the way of the world for families these days? Or quite possibly, is this just us?

Maybe that's why Chad & I have the relationship we do...like that timeless couple Fred & Wilma. We complete each other and when we're together all is well with the masses, when one is gone the ship just doesn't stay afloat! Well, all I can say is that right about now I'm missing the captain of this boat....only 10 hours and 43 minutes until he's home, but who's counting!