I'm in one of those nothing-is-going-my-way-everyone-is-out-to-get-me-I-just-want-to-sit-down-and-cry kind of moods! Ever been there? If not, steer far far away from anything that may lead you there. If you have been, then pull up a chair and feel my sorry-for-myself-pain!
Have you ever been in one of those moods where you just want to hole up in your house and do nothing....not even housework or watching tv...just nothing?! I'm there! I think I could just lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling fan going around and be content at this moment! I'd rather throw in a frozen pizza for every meal rather than stand at the stove and decide what to feed my family.....making a decision just seems painful right now. Just doesn't sound good, does it?
It's not fun being this way - my family tiptoes around me and doesn't know what to say - one thing wrong out of their mouth can lead to many things wrong out of mine! My husband tells me to get over it and my kids wonder what is wrong with Mom. I wish I knew what it was I needed to get over and what really is wrong with Mom!
I'm feeling pulled in multiple directions both physically and mentally these days and for some reason, I am just not handling it with much grace! I'm pretty used to juggling lots of stuff and not getting too "down" by it, but this time is like its my first time juggling and I'm dropping all of the balls! I don't like feeling like I can't do something and right now I really feel that way! Perhaps it is because we are at the start of the school year and I just haven't found "my groove" yet...I'm a creature of schedule and my schedule needs some twisting and tweaking to make it a bit smoother! Perhaps it is because I am in the midst of an interview process for my "dream job" and am not feeling like I've got my best game on when I've sat in the last two interviews for this position. Perhaps I've just got so much going on right now that I'm actually going to have to allow someone else in to help me out....I've got to face the fact that I can't do it all by myself all of the time.
Now that I sit here and consider things, I guess I really have been trying to do things by myself - in more ways than one. When things started getting hectic for me around here, I started to shut people out....I started with my husband, telling him "I can get this stuff done myself" and have ended up even shutting God out....it just became too easy to hang out at home on Sunday mornings instead of getting everyone up and ready to head to church. My Bible has sat on the shelf and probably has a thin coat of dust on the cover due to lack of use over the past month and a half.....not good. I've watched that ceiling fan above my bed make hundreds of rotations, all the while wondering "Why me", but never have I taken my troubles any farther...never have I bowed my head and asked God for help. I've just been going at this all wrong....why should I try to handle things on my own when I have someone there who is ready to bear my burdens for me? So, yes, I do need to face the fact that I can't do this all by myself....I can't do anything all by myself, but with the strength of Christ within me, I can do anything.
Well, I think I'm ready to vacate the party...the pity party, that is! Check please! I've got a ceiling fan to go lay under and a Father that I need to talk to!
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