Mother's Day Reflection

Mother's Day - a day to pay tribute and give thanks for you mom, your grandmother, or any motherly figure in your life. As I sit here at my computer, I am awaiting the arrival of my parents and grandparents to pull in the driveway so that we can all enjoy the afternoon together. Yes, I am thankful to both my mom and grandma and love each of them dearly, but I also am brought to thoughts of my own mothering abilities and how well (or not so well) I carry those duties out.

I am Mom to four kids - ages 4 to 13; two girls and two boys and four very different personalities! Our home is far from calm and quiet and there are many days I would trade my right arm for some peace around here! I am the cook, the maid, the teacher, the referee, the cheerleader, the entertainment director, the enforcer and the cuddler...if someone wants justice done to another sibling that has done them wrong, they search for mom....a scraped knee and tears rolling down the cheeks - look for good old mom. I am good for kisses and hugs as well as lectures and groundings.

Growing up I never imagined myself being the mother of four kids, but now I could never picture myself without them. I question how I became the mother of these four kids...the moody teenage girl, ADHD-diagnosed 12 year old, athletic and overly-coordinated 6 year old and animal-loving 4 year old. How did these certain four children end up being mine? I question that and the answer comes flooding in - God. God granted me these four children - four children of His that He has entrusted to me to raise and send back out into the world so that they can make a difference, do something to make a change on this Earth. I find myself awe-struck to think that out of all the millions of women out there, that God thought that I was going to be the best caregiver to each of these kids - that I was the one most suited for this job. He knew every problem that each of these children would face growing up, every interest they would have as they go through life and He figured me to be the one to lift them up when they fell and to guide them down their individuals paths in life. Amazing.

I will think about this as I go through my days as Mom around this house. I will remember this each time my teenage daughter and I butt heads about those things that Moms and Daughters don't agree on. I will remember this everytime I have to deal with the hyperness coming from my son with ADHD. I will remember this at every temper tantrum or sleepless night with my two younger children. I will remember the confidence that God has in me to be the Mom of these four kids. If He has the confidence in me to do this job, then I will rely and lean on this confidence at every fork in the road and will be thankful for this confidence when things seem to be going smoothly.

Mothering...it's the most rewarding, yet most challenging, job I have ever been given, but I was hand-picked for these children and I won't let them, nor my Creator, down.

Life...You Only Get One Shot at It!

Stop and smell the roses. Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today. Live life to the fullest.



There are so many cliches out there about getting the most out of your life, but how many of us truly follow any of those quotes? How many of us do stop and smell the roses...pull off to the side of the road during the commute home just to admire the scenery...ignore the "noise" of the screaming kids and just thank God that although they may be loud, they are healthy and happy? I am one that can come up with the quotes, but I must admit that I fall flat on my face when it comes to living out the words.



I've been thinking alot about a heart of gratitude lately, thanks to my brother's girlfriend who has put out a challenge to live 30 Days of Gratitude. I've been faithfully following Vanessa's blog (http://blog.thrive-coaching.com/) and have really enjoyed reading about all she is doing to show gratitude for various things in her life. I will admit, that although I've loved to read about Vanessa's challenge to herself, nothing has been done on my part to show anymore gratitude toward my life than what I already do....that is, until today.



Today I got some news that literally stopped me in my tracks, but first I must digress a bit. A few weeks ago, I started a new job. On my first day at work, my supervisor took me around to every employee and introduced me to each person. We got to one gentleman's office and I was told, "I'll introduce you to him, but he won't be around much longer - he's retiring soon." A week and a half later was his last day at the job he had been going to for the past 40+ years. What amazed me about his retirement was, first and foremost, the amount of time that he worked for the same company. The second thing was how he was working into his retirement. He wasn't going home at 5:00 on his last day and then sleeping in on his first day of freedom. He was leaving the office at 2 pm on his final day, picking up his wife, and heading straight for the airport in Omaha. No, he wasn't headed out on an exotic vacation to celebrate his retirement, he was headed to his new home in Arizona. Yep, he left work, flew to a new time zone, and the next morning when he woke up, he would be in a new home in a new state, and would not have to report to work. Talk about a lot of life changes in a short time period!



Fast forward to today. As I was sitting at my desk this afternoon, an email popped up to all employees. It was entitled "sad news". What I read completely broke my heart. It seems that this dear man that just retired a week earlier went to the doctor earlier today and was told that he had cancer. He had not yet seen an oncologist so there was no news as to how invasive this cancer is or what type of treatment he will have to endure. How unfair is that?! This man puts in over half of his life to his career and within a week of retirement he finds out he has cancer. It just doesn't seem fair.



So, with this news, I have decided that it is time for me to stop just reading Vanessa's blog about gratitude and start living it myself! Life is just too short, my friends, to go through the motions. I look at my children and think of how easily it could all be taken away....I look at my parents and grandparents and realize that our days together are numbered. There is just so much that I take for granted everyday, and I am vowing to notice things more, to enjoy things more, to be grateful for so much more. I will stop and smell the flowers and listen to the crickets on a warm summer night. I will stand outside during the next rain and enjoy how the water cleans up the world, instead of complain that it makes our gravel road muddy. And the biggest lesson that I learned today, is that I am no longer going to wait for "someday", because "someday" may never get here...or when it does get here, there just may not be enough time. I am going to enjoy my life, love my life and get the most of my life that I possibly can...after all, it's the only one I've got!



These are just a few of the things that I plan to do to appreciate all that I have been given....I advise each of you to slow down and really think about all that you have too, because in an instant, life as you know it can change.

Lessons Learned on the Slopes

Ten days ago, my husband and I, coupled by some good friends, took a trip to Keystone, Colorado. It was a trip to escape the hustle and bustle of "real life" and to just sit back and relax. I knew we were going to have fun, I knew I was going to enjoy the beautiful scenery. What I didn't know was that there was going to be a life lesson worth paying attention to - and I don't mean learning how to snowplow!

We arrived on a Friday night and by Saturday morning, we were dressed in our ski gear, had our equipment rented and were ready to hit the slopes. I would not consider any of our group to be professional skiers, although some definitely had more talent than others (I was definitely among the others), but it was vacation, the scenery was gorgeous, and we were ready to have some fun. The first trip up the mountain left me filled with nervousness and excitement as we climbed in altitude. Once we got off the gondola and strapped our feet into our skis, we were ready...I think.

The first run started off nice and easy, and it didn't take too long before I remembered the words of my ski instructor from some 20 year ago. By the time I rounded the first curve, I may have even gotten a little cocky at my progress...until I hit the first descent where I started to pick up speed! So much for my gradual zig-zag motion down the hills...immediately my toes and knees pointed inward and I locked myself into a snowplow that no one would dare try to pull me out of! To my surprise, I managed to get myself safely down that bit of steepness without falling. (My knees were killing me at this point, but I was still upright) We ended up on another gradual trail where my seemingly effortless zig-zag picked up again...ahhh - I really do love to ski! Then, before I know it I'm picking up even more speed and heading straight down again! Once again, I'm locked in my snowplow position, fighting tooth and nail to stay up! On top of all of this, the ski trails cross and I am now being bombarded by flying snowboarders and Olympic-level skiers (well, maybe not Olympic-level, but they were good!) As much as I am trying to avoid them, they are trying to avoid me, and I just know I am going to end up either killing myself or taking several people down with me! Finally, it dawns on me how ridiculous I must look locked in this hideous snowplow, so I think "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em". Yep, that's right...I loosened up on the snowplow and attempted to hurl myself down the mountain, poles flying and clearly looking like I have lost complete control (which, in all honesty, I had). Of course, the end result of this "stunt" was what anyone would expect...me sliding on my back down the mountain with my skis straight up in the air. When I finally came to a halt and got my bearings back (and checked to make sure all four limbs were still firmly attached to my body), I sat up and looked around only to see an entire ski school of 4 year olds skiing right past me. Completely aware of how pathetic I looked, I picked myself up, dusted myself off and went back to snowplowing down the "steep" parts and zig-zagging through the easy-going and gradual trails.

As I sit here at my desk and think back to that trip, I immediately think of the lesson meant to be learned by me during that long weekend in Colorado - how my run down that mountain parallels so much to living life day to day. Everyday we have mountains to climb and everyday we have obstacles to go through to get us back to solid ground. Sometimes, it seems like the ride is effortless, like the nice gentle ski trails, and we can sit back and enjoy the view. But then, also, we can get too comfortable and almost a bit cocky, like I did. It's at that time of over-confidence that the terrain changes and we see ourselves staring straight down the face of the mountain. Some of us reach that point and immediately revert to the "snowplow" trying to take it as slow as possible, others will point their skis straight down and enjoy the thrill of the ride. Some of us, like I did, will try to "fake it" so as not to look like we don't know what we're doing, even though it is apparent to everyone how truly out of control we really are.

I guess the lesson I learned on that gorgeous winter day in Keystone is that we are at different levels and stages of our life. Some of us have no problem speeding down the mountain, dodging obstacles and getting to the end as fast as we can. Some of us are cautious and want to take the safest route possible. And then there are some that are just out there to have fun and to learn new things (like the 4 year olds that skied past me as I was laying in the snow).

That's what is so awesome about life....we are all at these different levels, but we are allowed to co-exist on the same mountain. We all face the same obstacles and encounters and embrace them in a way that works the best for us. And, in the end, we all arrive at the bottom of the mountain....some of us get there faster, and some are a bit more sore when they arrive. But, like I learned, it doesn't matter how you get there...the important part is that you arrive!

The Call

Several years ago, on a Friday night in February, I had just walked into the house and the phone rang. Caller ID revealed that my mom was on the other end, so I answered with a cheerful "Hello!" I was not met with a cheerful reply, instead I was met with panic. "Your dad had a heart attack the EMTs are here working on him I'm following the ambulance to the hospital" all in one breath. All I said was "I'll meet you there." I told my husband just fragments of what was happening and was out the door in a rush. When I got into my car and started driving, I felt like a balloon that was deflating in slow motion. The 26 mile drive to the town they live in took me less than 15 minutes and I got there just in time to watch them load my dad into the LifeFlight helicopter. That was a scary, horrible time for my entire family...a time that I think back to far more often than I care to. Dad was lucky though, he was one of the few that make it through a situation such as his.

Following that situation, everytime the phone rings & I see Mom's number on the caller ID, my first thought goes back to that moment. My heart drops and I have a split second of panic as I pick up the receiver. I am not joking....this happens every single time!

Fast forward to Saturday night.....it was my son's 6th birthday and Mom & Dad were planning on coming up to our house after work. I had already talked to Mom three or four times within an hour about the birthday party, so when my phone rang and I saw it was her, I figured there was another "plan" we hadn't discussed yet....no fleeting thoughts of trouble with my dad had entered my mind. I answered with a cheerful "hello" only to be met with "Dad is at the ER they are taking him to Omaha!" (Omaha is a city 90 minutes from their town....the same city that LifeFlight had taken him to several years earlier). Apparently, he had an appointment with his cardiologist and things weren't going so well for him. He had high blood pressure and chest pressure so they wanted him at the Cardiac Center to be able to monitor him through the weekend with another heart catheterization in the immediate future.

Boy how life can change in a hurry! One second I'm thinking about party decorations and getting presents wrapped, and the next minute I am brought to my knees with news of imminent danger. Isn't it absolutely amazing how we can go from happy-go-lucky to frozen stiff with fear in about 1.4 seconds? How one short phone call can drastically change your life in a single instant. Ever since the 2nd heart episode with my dad, I think about that daily....how I could be going along without a care in the world and could receive "the call" that could change everything.

The good news of the story is that my dad did have his heart cath and things are as good as can be expected. Of course, I will still cringe when I see their phone number on caller ID and will think the worst for a few seconds - that reaction will never change for me. Also, the good news is that with Dad's latest little incident, I was once again brought back to my realtionship with God...something that had been a little absent in my life here as of late. The seriousness of dad's condition brought me right where I needed to be, on my knees in front of my heavenly father...a place that I just haven't visited too much lately.

I look back on all of the happenings now..and even look at what I titled this blog entry and think to myself that although the original call was to me by my mom, it goes deeper. Yes, I did receive a telephone call from her regarding the health of my dad, but I believe that all of that was used as a vehicle from God to bring me to answer his call....the call that I've been ignoring over the past several months because life was just getting in the way.

As is said in Revelations 3:20 "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him..."

Pity Party....Table for One Please!

Ugh! That's the only way to sum up my mood for the past 12 - 14 days...just plain ol' ugh!
I'm in one of those nothing-is-going-my-way-everyone-is-out-to-get-me-I-just-want-to-sit-down-and-cry kind of moods! Ever been there? If not, steer far far away from anything that may lead you there. If you have been, then pull up a chair and feel my sorry-for-myself-pain!

Have you ever been in one of those moods where you just want to hole up in your house and do nothing....not even housework or watching tv...just nothing?! I'm there! I think I could just lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling fan going around and be content at this moment! I'd rather throw in a frozen pizza for every meal rather than stand at the stove and decide what to feed my family.....making a decision just seems painful right now. Just doesn't sound good, does it?

It's not fun being this way - my family tiptoes around me and doesn't know what to say - one thing wrong out of their mouth can lead to many things wrong out of mine! My husband tells me to get over it and my kids wonder what is wrong with Mom. I wish I knew what it was I needed to get over and what really is wrong with Mom!

I'm feeling pulled in multiple directions both physically and mentally these days and for some reason, I am just not handling it with much grace! I'm pretty used to juggling lots of stuff and not getting too "down" by it, but this time is like its my first time juggling and I'm dropping all of the balls! I don't like feeling like I can't do something and right now I really feel that way! Perhaps it is because we are at the start of the school year and I just haven't found "my groove" yet...I'm a creature of schedule and my schedule needs some twisting and tweaking to make it a bit smoother! Perhaps it is because I am in the midst of an interview process for my "dream job" and am not feeling like I've got my best game on when I've sat in the last two interviews for this position. Perhaps I've just got so much going on right now that I'm actually going to have to allow someone else in to help me out....I've got to face the fact that I can't do it all by myself all of the time.

Now that I sit here and consider things, I guess I really have been trying to do things by myself - in more ways than one. When things started getting hectic for me around here, I started to shut people out....I started with my husband, telling him "I can get this stuff done myself" and have ended up even shutting God out....it just became too easy to hang out at home on Sunday mornings instead of getting everyone up and ready to head to church. My Bible has sat on the shelf and probably has a thin coat of dust on the cover due to lack of use over the past month and a half.....not good. I've watched that ceiling fan above my bed make hundreds of rotations, all the while wondering "Why me", but never have I taken my troubles any farther...never have I bowed my head and asked God for help. I've just been going at this all wrong....why should I try to handle things on my own when I have someone there who is ready to bear my burdens for me? So, yes, I do need to face the fact that I can't do this all by myself....I can't do anything all by myself, but with the strength of Christ within me, I can do anything.

Well, I think I'm ready to vacate the party...the pity party, that is! Check please! I've got a ceiling fan to go lay under and a Father that I need to talk to!

Foto Friday - The First Day of School - 2009

This year's first day of school photos.....Erin (12) - 7th grade; Jason (11) - 6th grade; Evan (5) - Kindergarten; Natalie (3) - Preschool

Life's Little Instructions

We got a new camera.....two years ago. The reason that I spent the money on this particular model was because it came with all the bells and whistles. You can just put the thing on auto and it will take great pictures, or you can manually set the aperature or shutter speed. You can change the meter, you can do continuous shooting, you can even turn it into a video camera. I knew this was just what our family needed....it can do it all!



Well, like I said, I got that camera two years ago and have taken thousands of great shots....all on the auto setting. Never once did I venture away from the security of the "auto" setting to see what all this camera could do. Matter of fact, I totally forgot that I could do all of those fancy things - I was just so satisfied with the status quo.



Three days ago, I was cleaning out our hall closet and came across the box for this camera and inside it was a book entitled "Camera User Guide" still wrapped in plastic. Looking for any excuse to get out of closet clean-up, I pulled up a chair and started reading. Once again, I was reminded of all the fun things that I could be doing but wasn't with that camera. I read the book, then re-read the book, then grabbed my camera and headed outside. It took a little bit of tweaking and practice, but before long I was understanding tidbits about shutter speed and aperature. I was figuring out how to take panoramic pictures and how to take photos in black and white and sepia tone. I had so much fun walking around the farm, shooting pictures, and being amazed at all the capabilities that I had, literally in the palm of my hand.



As I was sitting there changing the setting to "continuous shooting", I was thinking to myself about how ridiculous I was, settling to just use the "auto" feature when I could have been doing so much more. That's when the thought came to me....isn't that just like so many of us in our daily walk? Isn't there a little bit in everyone that just "accepts" what they've been dealt, never reaches out for anything more than what is already there? Doesn't try to see beyond the mountain to what is on the other side? I've been there...alot.



Just like I found out with this camera, if you find the User Guide and study it, great things can happen. For me, that "User Guide" is the Bible. Too many times I tend to put my life on auto pilot and just "let the chips fall where they may". I don't take the time to read and re-read and then head outside and practice. I don't take the time to dive into the Scriptures, think about the lesson to be learned and then apply it to my life. I'm too busy trying to move the mountains on my own that I forget how much more beautiful and fulfilling life can be if I just sit back and invite my Savior in.



My wish for each of you is to find your instruction manual...don't just be satisfied with the mediocrity of going through life on "auto". Invite something bigger than yourself in to show you all that your life is capable of. I can guarantee you, you will not be disappointed.